[Editor's note: Every summer the New Jersey Governor's School in the
Sciences takes place at Drew University. This is a program for high school
students between their junior and senior years; they stay on campus for 4
weeks taking courses and doing team projects in math, computers, and the
various sciences. The following true story is by one of my classmates who
was working with me in Drew's Computer Center in the summer of 1991.]
From: email@example.com (Man Who Says Narf)
Subject: Govvies... be afraid, be very afraid.
Date: 26 Jul 91 16:01:45 EDT
They're getting out of hand. No, really they are. This afternoon I was
sitting at the desk and a whole gaggle of giggling girls walked into room
five, but decided that maybe it was a little out of their league and would
stick with room four. As they walked by I asked if there was anything I
could help them with, to which they replied "Yeah, I'll probably need help
doing it". Well, this was an obvious set up, but I kept my manners and
grinned politely. A few minutes later a timid soft-spoken girl walked up to
the desk and asked "Excuse me, but can you help me do it?". I couldn't help
myself anymore and replied "Well, that's a personal question don't you
think?" They're obviously far too young, and have absolutely NO sense of
humor, because she just stared blankly at me, as if I had said something
totally incomprehensible and over her head.
Well, this was wierd enough, but immediatly after that, I returned to my
post (well, it's really Adam's but I'm sitting in). That in itself isn't so
strange. What was really odd, was that two more governor's school students
walked in with very excited looks on their faces. They glanced quickly
around and asked "CAN WE SWAB YOUR KEYBOARD?" ... I was so taken aback by
this I completely missed the obvious chance at yet another sexual joke. I
was stunned. "huh?" sez I. "We want to swab your keyboards for bacteria!!"
Well, of course I was honored, but I just didn't know what to say. "It's
only water! It's really only damp! it won't hurt your board a bit! I
promise!". By this time I'm just about falling off my chair laughing.
Finally I consented to have my keyboard swabbed. It was quite an odd
experience. I highly recommend it.
Finally, they came out with a very confusing and almost insulting request.
All of a sudden they both got this eerie gleam in their eyes as they
spotted... yes... my COFFEE CUP! They wanted to swab my COFFE CUP FOR
CHRISSAKE! I just looked at them. And then I DID fall off my chair
laughing. "Hey, I brush my teeth! You won't find much" Well, while I was
under the desk laughing, they snatched my coffee cup and started running a
giant q-tip all over it! I honestly had no idea how to take all of this. I
mean, my coffee cup!
It's been a very wierd afternoon. To top it off, I walked outside and there
was someone carrying an open umbrella. It wasn't raining. I gotta go do
something mundane and stable... I'm far too fragile for this sort of thing.