Reply to the
of Revocation of Independence
November 8, 2000
To the Subjects of Her Majesty, the Queen of England,
In the light of your failure to prevent us from kicking you out in the 18th
century and doing as we damn well please, we hereby notify you that you can
keep it down over there before we take notice.
Sure, historically America really doesn't pay much attention to the rest of
the world. But when someone does catch our eye, we tend to carpet bomb them
to a pre-industrial state. It may not be right, or fair, but it is a trend. I
suggest you keep it in mind.
To aid in your realization that you should pipe down, the following facts are
American English is distinct from British English. Our
aluminum is a lovely silver color, and we do not 'armour'
our tanks, thank you.
When you can tell the difference between an Alabama and
Louisiana accent, I'll pay attention to the difference between
a Londoner's and a Yorkshireman's accents.
Rather than "God save the Queen"; you should learn "The Battle
Hymn of the Republic". After all, if it weren't for American
soldiers you'd speak German today, twice over. And if it weren't
for American bread, butter, etc., you would have been starving
while we saved your little old island from the Hun.
If I were to throw an American football block on football player,
he'd be out ofthe game and I'd be ejected. If I were to throw a
real tackle on a rugby player, he'd be maimed. The pads in
American football are to keep you from being crippled or killed.
Just because rugby players tear their ears in a group hug called
a 'scrum'doesn't make them tough. You want tough? You put
YOUR arms in theair while a 322 pound (46 stone) man slams
into you at a dead sprint and still catch the ball. That's tough.
If you can't settle the French's hash, find someone else. After
all, they have lost to everyone *but* the British this century.
The irony of a Brit complaining about American cars is too
much. I've driven British cars and they're like a Hyundai, but
poorly made. When someone else comes up with an idea as good
as the muscle car, we'll think about it.
To sum it all up, we really aren't interested in your opinion.