Football as a Political Paradigm -- The Adventure Continues
By Randy Jordan
DEMOCRATIC FOOTBALL: Just like COMMUNIST FOOTBALL, except that an unholy
number of players find it easier to sit on the bench and let the
rest of their team score for them. This phenomenon is better
understood in relation to the overwhelming growth of coaching
staffs, front office personnel, and Indonesian team owners.
REPUBLICAN FOOTBALL: The team that scores the least not only loses the
game, but the league subsequently penalizes them heavily and
rewrites the rules so that the only way they can become
competitive again is through the draft lottery.
LIBERTARIAN FOOTBALL: The teams are so interested in keeping the
referees uninvolved that it's impossible for anyone to ever win.
RUSSIAN COMMUNIST FOOTBALL: The game just goes on and on until finally
one team has accrued so many injuries to its own players that
it cannot continue to amass points.
ROSS PEROT FOOTBALL: The rules make so little sense that even the fans
are annoyed, yet they continue to buy tickets because they think
the other games are even worse.
RAINBOW COALITION FOOTBALL: Many have said that it is political suicide
to satirize any organization that seeks to guarantee civil rights
and bring about equality. So lets move on to ...
N.O.W. FOOTBALL: Despite glaring contradictions in the rules, the few
remaining players continue to defend discrepancies and play a
rough game, indeed. Points build up quickly, since all the
teams have only offensive players, with no defense.