Clinton Tragedio Americano
(Program notes translated by Rodgers Wood)
Cast of Characters
Bill Clinton, tenor - philandering President of the United States
Hilary Rodham Clinton, soprano - his long-suffering wife
Monica Lewinsky, soprano - a conniving little White House intern
Ken Starr, basso - puritanical special prosecutor
Henry Hyde, basso - a true believer congressman
Linda Tripp, contralto - double-crossing friend of Monica's
Paula Jones, contralto - a wild woman from Arkansas
Sam Donaldson, baritone - a television news reporter
The Basso Cabal
Richard Mellon Scaife - radical right-wing newspaper publisher
Newt Gingrich - a foot-in-mouth specialist
Pat Robertson - fundamentalist minister
Bill McCollum - another true believer congressman
Tom DeLay - a third true believer Congressman
Trent Lott - Senate Majority leader
The Media Chorus
The Chorus of Lawyers
Bill Clinton has been elected President of the United States by an
overwhelming margin. The Republicans are angry and are trying to
As the curtain rises, the Basso Cabal is meeting with Ken Starr with
the object of finding a way to remove Bill Clinton from the
The opening chorale "We Must Find a Way" (Creato Grandissimo
Flooza Scandala) is sung as a sextet. In an impressive recitative,
Scaife sings "Where Will We Find a Helper?" (Dredgi Uppa Un
The six exit.
Paula Jones enters stage right, holding a mirror, and begins singing
the plaintive, "Why Can't I Find a Man?" (Mi Schnozze Es Humongo).
Tom Delay and Newt Gingrich enter from stage left. They see Paula
and sing the duet, "Why Not Her?" (La Flooza Perfecto). They meet
and invite Paula to a small cafe where they hatch their plot in hushed
Paula tells them of her meeting with Clinton in a hotel years earlier
and how her fortunes have collapsed since then. Delay and Gingrich
offer to help. They sing the aria "Your Luck Has Changed" (Nose
Jobbo e Molto Rewardo).
The Cabal reconvenes with the news of Paula's revelations. They sing
in jubilation, "We Must Tell the World" (Phono E Tabloido). The rear
curtain raises to reveal the Chorus of Media who sing the chorale,
"Tell Us More, But Only the Truth" (Sexua Scandala Hypo Per
Gingrich enters with Pat Robertson. They sing the duet "He Must Go"
(Hypocritti Pious Crappola). Robertson offers to donate time on his
television program to expose the charges. At the Cabal's suggestion,
Paula initiates a lawsuit.
The Jones scandal becomes the topic of conversation throughout the
The Chorus of Lawyers enters from the right to sing the jubilant
grand chorale, "We Must Do Our Duty" (Multi, Multi Grande Moola).
Ken Starr meets with the Basso Cabal to plan the next steps. They
sing the aria, "We Will Save the Country" (Sleazi Connivo). Starr
promises to convene a grand jury which will send charges to the
Congress. He sings "The Truth Will Be Known" (Whitewater Non
Starto, Probo La Flooza Epidemico). The Chorus of Lawyers sings a
reprise of "We Must Do Our Duty" as the act ends.
Linda Tripp enters the stage arm in arm with Ken Starr. She is
wearing a headset. She is singing "Monica Is My Dearest Friend" (Mi
Es La WickedoWitchini Occidenta). She tells Starr about the secret
tapes that she has made of conversations with Monica Lewinsky.
Starr takes them from her and sings, "We've Got Him Now"
(Presidente Droppo Pantalone).
Starr hurries off to the Grand Jury to call Monica as a witness.
Monica enters the grand jury room where the Chorus of Lawyers
ask her questions. They sing the recitative, "How did it happen?"
(Panti Thongo, La Flasha?). Monica replies in the long passionate
"We Were Meant For Each Other" (Non Smoko El Producto, Phalli
In the third scene, Hilary and Bill are sitting in the Lincoln Bedroom
discussing the revelations about Monica. Hilary sings, "I Will Stand
By You" (Su Jerchino Estupido, Mi Removo Su Equipmento). Bill
replies with "She Was the Only One" (Non Counti Gennifer, Paula,
Plusi Multi Bimbo Forgetto). They embrace.
Sam Donaldson is interviewing Henry Hyde in the Capitol Building. The
Chorus of Lawyers hum in the background. Hyde sings the aria, "We
Believe in Something" (Impeacho Hippi Bastardo). Donaldson sings a
recitative in answer, "We Only Want the Truth" (Toupee Eslippo).
The great trial begins in the Senate. Trent Lott reacts to public
opinion polls showing that the president has 76% approval ratings. He
sings the poignant aria, "What is Right is Not Popular" (Parta
Republico Committi Suicidio). The Chorus of Lawyers sings the
chorale, "Principles Come First" (Mi Adulteri Non Counto). With great
flourish, Henry Hyde, Bill McCollum and Tom Delay stand before the
Senate to present their case. They sing the somber trio, "How Can
You Not Convict? (Evidensi Multi Flimsioso).
Finally in a moving chorale, the Chorus of Lawyers sings "For the
Good of the Nation, We Must Acquit" (Senatori Non Stupido). After
the vote is announced, Henry Hyde, Tom Delay, Trent Lott and Bill
McCollum leave the Senate Chamber singing the grand quartet "We
Still Know the Truth" (Wasto Multi Millioni) as the act ends.
The president sings the contrite aria, "I Am Very Sorry" (Revengo
Futurini) as the Chorus of Media circles him shouting their questions.
They sing, "Who Will Now Believe Us?" (Publico Disgusto Con Medio).
Monica Lewinski crosses the stage with her new literary agent, Ken
They sing, "It is Still Not Over" (Publishe Grande Bookino, Getti
Richino) as the curtain falls.
Ron McCullochio (Ecolinto XCCVIV penso)