How To Be Annoying


Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way".

Drum on every available surface.

Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

Staple papers in the middle of the page.

Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

Set alarms for random times.

Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the
flavor off.

Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking"

Honk and wave to strangers.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
rental movies.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complementary mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's
"Metal Machine Music".

Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole

Pay for your dinner with pennies.

Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's

Light road flares on a birthday cake.

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their

Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".....

Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Drive half a block.

Name your dog "Dog".

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a
"real hoot".

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you
don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a
can of Lysol.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a

Lie obviously about trivial things, such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Change your name to Jane Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first
in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people
pronounce each A.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if
they slow down.

Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

Sing along at the opera.

Mow your lawn with scissors.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket
isn't cricket."

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more
any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your

Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

More Lists

  1. [page] 60 Fun Things To Do On An Elevator
  2. [page] Excuses
  3. [page] How To Be Annoying
  4. [page] If I Ever Become An Evil Overlord
  5. [page] The Canonical List Of Answering Machine Messages
  6. [page] The Top 20 Cool Things About A Car That Goes Faster Than The Speed Of Light
  7. [page] Top Ten Drug Using Cartoon Suspects