You Know You Are Indian If

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your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
your dad is some sort of engineer or doctor.
your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you
were 12 when you were really 15. 
you ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later
they're still lecturing.
you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
everyone thinks you're "Indian" no matter what part of South
Asia your ancestors were from.
you've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
you've had to sit through videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women
attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest or library.
your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
you drive mostly Japanese cars.
you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
you know what's going to happen in every Hindi movie before it
you've never gotten little red envelopes around February.
piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and
closet doors.
you're father and grandfathers have hair on their ears
idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian
your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
at least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12
midnight to say, "In India (or other native country), we studied even
your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the
street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your
mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th
everyone thinks you're good at math.
you like $1.75 movies
you like $1.50 movies even more.
your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing From Asia with
fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors
like yellow, pink, magenta, orange and the ever popular lime green.
your parents insist you marry within your race.
you either really, really want to go to NYU or really, really want to
stay away from it
your parents have never kissed you
you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your
"You want a stereo!" When I was your age, I didn't even
have shoes!!"
you have to call just about all your parent's friends "Auntie
and Uncle."
you have 12+ aunts and uncles from both your mother's and your
father's side
at expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for
your beverage and NEVER order dessert.
your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say
"Eat it anyway. It's still good."
the vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick
you will most likely be taller than your parents.
your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both.
you get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
when going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.
your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones
with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
your family owns a tennis racquet.
your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael
the furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the
decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
you have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown
substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
you own a rice cooker or two
you buy corn oil by the gallon.
your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to
school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they
still appreciated going
your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can
"grow into it" and wear it for years to come."


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