Jacques: First, You Must Get To Know Your Lane. Feel The Slickness, Feel The Slippery Finish.

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Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness,
feel the slippery finish. Caresses it, experience it. Quite
smooth, isn't it?
Marge: Oh, very smooth.
Jacques: Smooth?
Marge: |Yes, very.
Jacques: | |Yes?
Marge: | | |Yes.
Jacques: | | | |Yes.
Marge: | | | | |Smooth.
Jacques: | | | | | |Smooth.
Marge: | | | | | | |Yes.
Jacques: | | | | | | | |Yes.
: You could eat off of it.
Marge: Hmmmm...
Jacques: You hungry?
Marge: Yes.
Jacques: [yelling] Four Onion rings!

Back at the house,,

Lisa: [finishing her pizza] Hummm! Deliciouso!
Bart: My compliments to the delivery boy.
Homer: Ok, we've eaten and eaten well. Now what else do we have to do?
Well, let's check the list your Mom left us... Eat, huhmmmm,,
[ticks with a pencil] Oh, clean up! Now don't worry everybody,
this will be a breeze if we all pitch in. [they form a human
chain to the bin] Allright! We're clean! Now we'll... [looks
to Maggie] Put Maggie to bed.

In Maggie's bedroom. Homer, Bart and Lisa stand beside Maggie's cot.

Homer,Bart and Lisa:
Lullaby, and goodnight,
come to bed and sleep tight.
Close your eyes, start to yawn.
Pleasant dreams until the dawn.

Homer is exhausted. Later that night Marge enters the bedroom dressed
in her sleeping gown.

Marge: Homer,, Homer?
Homer: Huh? Wah? Oh,, How was bowling?
Marge: It's a very challenging hobby.
Homer: Heh heh,, It's a sport dear. It's a sport you silly thing.
Marge: But I think I'll do much better tomorrow night.
Homer: [shocked/surprised] Oh! You're going back?
Marge: Oh sure, if you don't mind taking care of the kids again.
Homer: [confused] Oh, no,, I don't mind.

They say goodnight to each other. At Marge's next bowling lesson,
Jacques gives her a bowling glove.

Marge: Jacques! It fits, you got it in my size and it has my name on
it. It's really for me!
Jacques: [thrusts himself upon her] Seventeen fifty, enjoy it my

Marge bowls and leaves only a single pin standing, then looks to Jacques
pleased with her improvement. Jacques massages her hands over a steam
vent, and they look into each others' eyes. He fits Marge out with a
new pair of
bowling shoes (nb: four toes),, teaches her to hold a ball correctly,,
assists marking the scoresheet,, helps her to dip a
onion ring,, more gazing into each others' eyes,, the
final bowling pin topples...

Jacques gives Marge a lift home.

Marge: You didn't have to drop me off.
Jacques: But I wanted to. [grasps her hand] Marge, do you know how
beautiful you look in the moonlight?
Marge: Errrr, Jacques! I'm a married woman!
Jacques: I know, I know. My mind says stop, but my heart, and my hips,
cry for sin. [Marge reacts accordingly] Marge darling, I - I
want to see you tomorrow. Not at Barney's Bowlorama,, away
from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me
tomorrow for Brunch.
Marge: What's Brunch?
Jacques: You'd love it,, It's not quite breakfast, it's not quite
lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end.
You don't get completely what you would at breakfast, but you
get a good meal!
Marge: I don't think so.
Jacques: Marge, darling. There are ten pins in my heart, you've
knocked over eight. Won't you please pick up that spare?
Marge: [hesitantly] Mmmm, mmmmm... All right!

Marge returns to bed. Homer feels something has changed between them,
but isn't able to express it. They fall asleep isolated from each

The next morning,, Otto pulls up in front of the house.

Bart: O-ho! School bus!
Marge: [holding two grocery bags full of goodies] Here you go kids,,
Special lunches! Lots of good things for growing bodies, [Bart
and Lisa look to each other bewildered] and some treats just
for fun.
Bart: Aye Curumba!
Lisa: Are you going bowling again tonight Mom?
Marge: Yes I am, as a matter of fact. [tops up their lunches, to
Bart's delight, but Lisa is worried] Here's more treats. But
don't worry, your Dad will take care of dinner.
Bart: [delighted] Hmmm, Wednesday. Hoagie night!
Marge: [kisses Lisa] Goodbye Lisa, my darling little Lisa.
[kisses Bart] Goodbye Bart, my special little guy.

Bart and Lisa are sitting next to each other on the bus. Bart has
already started lunch.

Bart: Hmm,, Great lunches, hey Lis?
Lisa: Oh Bart, don't you see? This is what psychologists call Over-
compensation,, Mom is racked with guilt because their marriage
is failing.
Bart: Hey, don't rock the boat Man. Whatever it is, we're making out
like bandits.
Lisa: Bart, I've read about what happens to kids who's parents no
longer love and cherish each other. They go through eight
separate stages. Right now I'm in stage three, Fear. You're in
stage two, Denial.
Bart: [whines] No I'm not.
Lisa: Yes you are.
Bart: [angrily] No I'm not!
Lisa: Yes you are!
Bart: Am not! Am not! Am not!
Lisa: I stand corrected,,

Jacques inspects the brunch menu at a Cajun restaurant, while Marge
nervously wrings a napkin in her hands.

Jacques: Mimosa?
Marge: I'm a married woman, please don't call me that.
Jacques: [laughs] Nononono. Mimosa is the name of the drink. It's
orange juice and champagne. [laughs] You're so wonderful
that you thought it was something offensive.
Marge: [accepting the compliment] Oooo, well thank you.

Helen Lovejoy, the gossipy wife of the Minister recognizes Marge (who
tries to hide behind a menu.)

Helen: [at 78rpm] I had just finished eating and was about to leave,
when I looked over this way and said to myself, Huh! Isn't
that Marge Simpson over there, having brunch with a man who
isn't her husband? [Jacques is annoyed, Marge forces a smile].
Ha ha,, and I just had to come over and say Hello!
Marge: We're.. um..
Helen: Oh, don't squirm on my account.
Jacques: I am giving her a bowling lesson, thank you. Now Marge,
[using the salt shakers] The pins on the 3-7-10 split would
be here. We'll make this little piece of food here the ball,
the ball's bigger, you know that. [Helen suspects something]
but for food, this is a good ball.
Helen: Ahem, well, byebye. [to Marge] See you in church on Sunday,
Marge: [cheerlessly] Good-bye Helen.
Jacques: Goodbye Helen. You have a lovely friend there,, [Marge
"Hmmm's" unhappily] Let's hope something runs over her.
[Marge sniggers] Your laughter is like music to me,, but if
you laugh at what I say next, I will die. For I am about to
say something very serious, perhaps shocking. Marge my
darling, I want you to meet with me, again.
Marge: That doesn't shock me.
Jacques: [reaching across the table] Away from prying eyes, away from
the Helen's of the world. At my apartment,, the Fiesta

Marge faints.

She dreams,, (with a definite bowling motif and a light grey and pink
scheme.) Dressed in a apricot ballroom gown, she rings a doorbell and
Jacques (dressed in a tuxedo) answers the door. ("I've been waiting for
you. Come in my captivating one.") Curtains rise revealing the
interior to his (lavishly furnished) apartment. The two of them dance,
and during a (whatever they call that dance movement) Marge notices a
trophy case filled with awards.

Marge: You certainly have a lot of bowling trophies.
Jacques: Ha ha, [whispered] I like you so much. They're not for
bowling Marge. You're so naive,, They're for lovemaking!
Marge: Really?

After a most stylish sequence of them dancing together, Marge rests at a
cocktail bar and Jacques offers her a Champagne. They sip with their
arms entwined, then toss the glasses over their shoulders and resume

Jacques: What cosmic force brought us together Marge?
Marge: Destiny!
Jacques: Yes. Some divine pin-spotter, must have placed us,
Marge: Like two fragile bowling pins.
Jacques: Standing bravely.
Marge: Until inevitably,,
Jacques: We must topple.

Marge's fantasy concludes. Jacques is trying to revive her has she lies
on the restaurant floor.

Jacques: Marge! Marge! Speak to me!
Marge: Is Thursday ok?
Jacques: It's ok indeed.

Homer changes from his shirt in the bedroom and notices a photograph on
the dressing table of him and Marge together. He discovers the bowling
glove in the dresser ("For... Marge?"), and sadly realizes that Marge
must be seeing someone else. He places the glove back in drawer and
sits cheerlessly on the end of the bed. Bart trots in with a baseball

Bart: Hey Dad! Whatawe say we toss the old apple around, huh? Sound
like fun?
Homer: Son, I don't know if I can lift my head, let alone a ball.
Bart: Come on Dad, get the lead out.

Bart drags Homer out of the bedroom by the arm. Homer stands listlessly
at the far end of the backyard wearing a baseball glove.

Bart: [practicing his baseball] Simpson checks the runner on first,
he's cool(?) on sign. Here's the windup, and Heerree's the
pitch,, [beaning Homer on the forehead. Homer slumps to the
ground and Bart runs to him] Dad, you didn't even say `Ouch!'
Homer: Oh... Sorry... Ouch.

Worried, Bart runs to Lisa (sitting underneath the porch light with

Bart: Lisa, Lisa,, I think you're right about Dad. There's something
very very wrong here.
Lisa: Bart, welcome to stage three,, Fear.
Bart: [urgently] Well come on! We've got to do something man!
Lisa: Sorry Bart, I would love to help you but I am mired in stage
five, Self-pity.

Bart runs back to Homer.

Bart: Look Dad, I don't know what's going on, but once you gave me
some advice that might help.
Homer: I gave you advice? Get outta here.
Bart: Yeah, you did. You told me when something's bothering you, and
you're too damn stupid to know what to do, just keep your fool
mouth shut. At least that way you won't make things worse.
Homer: Hmmm, good advice.

Marge is in the kitchen making sandwiches. Homer enters and almost
reaches for his wife's hand, but pauses to pick up his lunch box
instead. As he is about to leave through the back door, he turns around
and looks to Marge.

Homer: Marge, may I.. speak to you?
Marge: Sure.
Homer: You know, I've been thinking. Everyone makes peanut butter and
jelly sandwiches, but usually the jelly drips out over the sides
and the guy's hands get all sticky. But your jelly stays right
in the middle where it's supposed to. I don't know how you do
it. You've just got a gift I guess, and I've always thought
so,, I've just never mentioned it. But it's time you knew how
I feel. I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up.
[pause] Goodbye my wife.
Marge: ...Goodbye Homer.

In his apartment at the Fiesta Terrace, Jacques prepares himself in
front of the bathroom mirror.

Jacques: To the most beautiful moment in life,, Better than a deed,
better than a memory, the moment... of anticipation!

Jacques: Oh Jacques, you handsome devil. Look at you,, You're really

The SNPP during lunch-time. Homer sits staring forlornly at his

Lenny: Ain't you hungry Homer?
Homer: Starving.
Lenny: Then why aren't you eating your sandwich?
Homer: How can I eat it? She made it,, It's all I have left.

Homer packs up his sandwich and walks away. The technician recognizes a
"Domestic Situation".

Marge is driving through Springfield on her way to see Jacques.
Stopping at the traffic lights she sees a wedding, and averts her eyes
to the other direction only to see a young couple wheeling a pram. The
lights turn green and she speeds off. At the next stop sign Marge
uneasily watches a family at a picnic, and the elderly couple walking
down the path at the next stop drives the point further, with the help
of two gravestones side-by-side and two skeletons (costumes) holding

At the turnoff to the SNPP and the Fiesta Terrace, Marge initially heads
towards the Fiesta, but skids to a halt and reverses to the SNPP. She
returns to the intersection and sits staring at the turnoff sign.

bb ## b
332_ 4444 1325 74__
.... .

Marge enters the Power plant, to the surprise of all the workers clad in
their radiation suits. She marches down the main corridor, attracting
the attention of everyone including Mr Burns. Her silhouette passes a
doorway, and finds Homer working unhappily at a waste separator.

[Taps him on the shoulder]
Homer: Marge! What a lovely surprise! You're hear to see me, right?
Marge: Of course! [cuddles and kisses him on the cheek]

Homer picks her up and carries her past his cheering co-workers. ("Way
to go Homer, Way to Go!")

Worker: Hey, what will I tell the boss?
Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I
love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

Continued applause and cheering from the other employees. Marge wears
Homer's Safety helmet as he carries her outside into the sunset.

Episode summary artist: Chris J. Baird,,

Also Starring,,
- Albert Brooks (as Jacques)
- Maggie Roswell (as Helen Lovejoy)