Lisa: The Whole World Wants Me To Eat Meat. I Can't Fight It Anymore.

HomeFortune CookiesThe Simpsons

Lisa: The whole world wants me to eat meat. I can't fight it anymore.
[She musters her resolve and bites into a hot dog. Yells.]
There! Is everybody happy now?
Apu: I take it from your yelling that you like my tofu dogs?
Lisa: Tofu?
Apu: Oh yes. No meat whatsoever. And only thrice the fat of a normal
hot dog. I made the switch and nobody noticed.
Lisa: But why, Apu?
Apu: Of course I am a vegetarian. Haven't you ever seen my tee-shirt?
[Holds up a tee-shirt that depicts a cow with slash over it and
the words "Don't Have A Cow, Man!"]
Lisa: Heh heh heh, that's cute.
Apu: Here. Let me show you something Lisa. [Walks to a cooler marked
'Non-Alcoholic Beer" and opens the door. A set of stairs leading
upward is behind it.]
Lisa: Wow, a secret staircase. But what do you do if someone wants a
non-alcoholic beer?
Apu: You know, it's never come up.
-- Beer-swilling Springfield tube-jockeys,
"Lisa the Vegetarian"