Homer: [expansive] So, How Was Everybody's Day At School?

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Homer: [expansive] So, how was everybody's day at school?
Bart: Horrifying!
Lisa: Pointless!
Marge: Exhausting. It took the children forty minutes to locate Canada
on the map.
Homer: Marge, anyone can miss Canada, all tucked away down there.
Lisa: Well, _my_ teacher's a nightmare. Three kids got sick from
inhaling his ointment fumes, he confiscated everything made of
tin, and then he sent us home early because he got his beard
caught in the pencil sharpener.
[at school, Abe tries to help Jasper get out of it]
[Abe turns the crank; Jasper gets pulled in a bit]
Abe: Oh! Oh, um, OK, um, hmm...um, here.
[turns it some more; Jasper gets pulled in more]
D'oh! OK, uh, OK, let's see, um...what if I did this?
[turns it some more; Jasper gets pulled in more]
Um...you're on your own. [runs off]
Lisa: There's no way I'll get into an ivy league school now. At this
rate I probably won't even get into Vassar.
Homer: I've had just about enough of your Vassar-bashing, young lady!
-- Homer, defender of the faith, "The PTA Disbands"