Number One: Tonight We Are Here To Commemorate Our Glorious Society's 1500th Anniversary, And In Honor Of This Momentous Occasion.

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Number One: Tonight we are here to commemorate our glorious society's
1500th anniversary, and in honor of this momentous
occasion...we're havin' ribs.
[everyone cheers as caterers roll carts out]
Homer: Uh oh, I need a bib. If I slop any on my shirt, I could
lose the respect of my beloved bretheren.
Number One: So let us rejoice and enjoy our meal in the shadow of the
hallowed, sacred parchment.
[everyone looks, gasps to see it gone]
Lenny: Homer...[points at his "bib" -- the parchment]
Homer: Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks, Lenny. [wipes his mouth with it]
Number One: This is just appalling and outrageous!
Homer: What, did I miss something? [wipes his mouth again]
[everyone murmurs angrily]
Krusty: Oh...
Moe: Oh, God!
Lenny: Oh, Homer, no! [Homer cleans his ears] This is outrageous:
you can't do that! [Homer blows his nose] No!
Carl: You really are stupid.
-- Hallowed, sacred, slightly soiled parchment,
"Homer the Great"