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• I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.
  -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)...
• Honesty is the best policy--when there is money in it. -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
• What is the chief end of man?--to get rich. In what way?
  dishonestly if he can; honestly if he must. -- Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) (1835-1910)...
• Man is a religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal.
  He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them....
• Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal that has the True Religion -- several of them.
  He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight....
• Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else
  his is not advice, it is merely custom. -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)...
• A man came into the the office one day and said he was a sailor.
  We cured him of that....
• I can live for two months on a good compliment. -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)
• The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.
  -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)...