I Tell Ya, I Was An Ugly Kid. I Was So Ugly That My Dad Kept The Kid's Picture That Came With The Wallet He Bought.
I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad
kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
When I was growing up my mother kept telling me we're just friends.
I tell ya I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my Dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought....
She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly, when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.
She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly" and you see her picture....
My boy is mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias.
Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back....
I tell ya, drugs never worked out for me. The first time I tried smoking pot I didn't know what I was doing.
I smoked half the joint, got the munchies, and ate the other half....
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library.
When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. -- Rodney Dangerfield...
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
-- Rodney Dangerfield...
I don't get no respect. No respect at all. Every time I get into an elevator the operator says the same thing
Basement?" No respect. When I was a kid we played hide-and-seek....
I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said, "What'll you have, Bud"?
I said," I don't know, surprise me". So he showed me a nude picture of my wife....
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
Well, just last week I was at a Chinese restaurant and when I opened my fortune cookie I found the guy's check sitting at the next table....