Related:

• A horrible little boy came up to me and said, `You know in your book The Martian Chronicles?
  ' I said, `Yes?' He said, `You know where you talk about Deimos rising in the East?...
• Some guy came running in the other night and said, "Somebody stole my car!
  I said, "Did you see him?" He said, "No, but I got his license plate." -- Bill Barne...
• I once asked my father if things were bad for him during the Depression.
  He said the first six months were bad, then he got used to me. -- Rodney Dangerfield...
• I got a ticket the other day...I pleaded insanity. The judge asked me why, and I asked him, 'would any sane person park in the passing lane?
  ' I asked, 'Judge, nice day, isn't it?' He said yes....
• A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
  First he asked that the air-conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold and so on for about half an hour....
• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....
• I have a friend whose a billionaire. He invented Cliff's notes.
  When I asked him how he got such a great idea he said, "Well first I....
• I have a friend who's a billionaire. He invented Cliff notes.
  When I asked him how he got such a great idea, he said, 'Well first I....
• Asked from what country he came, he replied, "I am a citizen of the world.
  -- Diogenes Laertius (c. 200 AD) -- Diogenes, vi...