1. Every night you dream of torturing Linus Torvalds
2. Every morning you say, "I pledge allegiance to the logo of the United
Corporation of Microsoft. And to the stock options for which it stands, one
company, under Bill, with headaches and buggy software for all."
3. Your favorite pick-up line is, "Hey baby...do you want to see a little
4. Everytime you see a website with "Best viewed with Netscape" on it you
feel like filing a lawsuit against its webmaster
5. You feel that all Anti-Microsoft websites should be censored because they
are on the Internet, something Bill "invented."
6. You've set a goal to invent at least one new buzzword or acronym per day
7. You've ever been nervous because you haven't registered your Microsoft
8. You've trained your parrot to say "Unix sucks!" and "All hail Bill Gates!"
9. You own a limited edition Monopoly game in which Boardwalk is Microsoft and
Jail is replaced by Justice Department Investigation
10. You've spent countless hours tracking down the source of the "Microsoft
Acquires Vatican Church" rumor