11) "I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.
Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni...
12) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
13) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." --Paul Rodriguez
14) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law.
15) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic in that? What, do tall people bu...
16) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." --Oscar Wilde
17) "Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress .
. . . But I repeat myself." --Mark Twai...
18) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
At least they can find Afghanistan!" --A. Whitney Brow...
19) "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
20) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.