If this were an actual tagline,

Related:

• If this were an actual ,
  it would be funny...
• If this tagline were funny,
  it would be stolen...
• What? You expected a funny tagline
  maybe??...
• Had this been an actual emergency,
  your spleen would have melted...
• Show me an original, funny tagline;
  I'll show you mine...
• This would be a tagline,
  but I got 'em turned off.....
• Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords... "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." "I am writing on behalf of my sink,
  which is running away from the wall." "I request your...
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