While giving a physical, the doctor noticed that his patient's shins were covered with dark

While giving a physical, the doctor noticed that his patient's shins were
covered with dark, savage bruises.
"Tell me," said the doctor, "Do you play hockey or soccer?"
"neither," said the man. "My wife and I play bridge."

Years ago, a six year old boy was sailing with his parents in the
South Pacific when their boat sank. Only the boy made it to shore,
staggering onto the golden sands of an uninhabited island.
Years later, a young woman researching the islands for her Ph. D. in
anthropology found the island and its inhabitant who was now a young man
with a bronze, impressive physique.
"Good lord," she said, "how long have you lived alone here?"
"As near as I can figure," he replied, "thirteen years."
"And how have you survived?"
"Actually, it hasn't been difficult at all. I pick berries, eat
fruit, and dig for clams."
"What about sex?" she asked.
The young man said that he had no idea what sex was, and, rather than
explain it, she removed her clothing and seduced the strapping youth right
there on the beach.
When they were finished, she asked, "how did you like it?"
"Marvelous," he said, "but Christ look what you did to my clam
digger!"