So - this is a brief summary of Hinduism. Once upon a time there were two sets of first cousins,

So - this is a brief summary of Hinduism.
Once upon a time there were two sets of first cousins, the Pandavs and
the Kauravs. Their fathers, Dhritarastra and Pandu (rhymes with Gandu)
were brothers. Pandu was originally king. But he shot two deer while
they were fucking, and they cursed him to die the next time he reached
orgasm. Soon after, he died a happy man, and Dhritarastra was made king.
Dhritarastra's plan was to split the kingdom between his sons and those
of Pandu. But his eldest son, Evil Warrior, stole the Pandav's land
rights in a crooked game of Parcheesi. After wandering around the coun-
tryside for thirteen years, the Pandavs decided to get their kingdom
back. Evil Warrior refused them. Thus, there was war on the face of the
land, and God, in the form of a blue man with a frisbee and a flute,
personally participated, siding with the Pandavs, for whom he acted as
charioteer. His discourses with Arjun, the prince whose charioteer he
was, are legendary. These discourses, wherein God exhorts Arjun to slay
all his enemies (an entire battlefield of warriors) and enjoy his right-
fully earned kingdom, form the basis of the Bhagavad Gita, the holiest
book in Hinduism.