YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE... when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before Windows 95 finishes booting when you call tech support and they say your version of software has been obsolete for 5 years when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones if your PC is big enough to use as an end table if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization that will take it as a donation when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor hey,

YOU KNOW YOU NEED AN UPGRADE...

when Microsoft tech support picks up the phone before
Windows 95 finishes booting

when you call tech support and they say your version of software
has been obsolete for 5 years

when that bright idea you had of pounding a 3-1/4" disk thin so
it'll fit in the 5-1/4" slot didn't quite work

when the bad blocks on your disk outnumber the good ones

if your PC is big enough to use as an end table

if it's so old that you can't even find a nonprofit organization
that will take it as a donation

when you can no longer find those special metallic cassette tapes

when everyone's raving about hooking their computers up to the
television and you'd never used any other kind of monitor

hey, I'm NOT upgrading my VIC 20, OK?!!!

when your calculator has more RAM than your computer

when your watch has more RAM than your computer

when you realize that they don't use tapes anymore

when it takes a Chevy pickup to haul your disk drive away

when you're getting bored of those stupid Atari games like Frogger

when your computer doesn't give you "nice" system errors like
"Bad Command or file name" and instead formats your hard drive

when you're getting tired of typing in ones and zeros

when your abacus gets termites

when "Solitaire" only has enough memory to use half the deck

when you get the error message "Don't open so many goddam Windows
at once! You lookin' to catch a chill? Oy!"

when your modem can only dial as far as next door where the old
lady wants you to play online "Hearts" with her cat

when your printer will only operate if hooked up to your hamster's
run-wheel

when your 5-year-old daughter says "Mommy, the 386 is obsolete.
At preschool we use a Pentium Multi-Media with 32-speed CD-Rom,
48 megs of Ram and a digital modem."

when your 4-year-old son says "Windows 95 is old. Want me to
install the Win 97 upgrade software before my nap?"

when it takes 14 hours to download the latest nude Pamela Anderson
Lee photo from the internet

when even Eudora Light is too heavy

when your mother's computer has more RAM than you

when your hard disk goes soft

when you have to change the needle on your CD player

when a spoke breaks on your daisywheel printer

when the letter "K" on your Kaypro starts smearing

when your son/daughter says, "Oh I've heard of those computers in
history class"

when you add a line to AUTOEXEC.BAT and your boot disk backup won't
fit on your 160K floppy any more

when your Visicalc file times out on initial load

when your BIOS doesn't recognize your new mouse as an input device

when your church/school says "No, thanks" to your computer donation
offer

when enough people finally say, "I have one of those in the attic,
do you want it?" and you take all of them, just in case

when you know all of the bugs and want some new ones for the
challenge

when you use *save* as an oven timer

when you use AOL

If it says "IBM PC jr." anywhere on your computer