YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...
You've ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You burn your front yard instead of mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
When describing your kids, you use the phrase "dumb as a brick."
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
You've ever given rat traps as a gift.
You always answer the front door with a baseball bat in your hand.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've never paid for a haircut.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
The taillight covers on your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You have every episode of "Hee-Haw" on tape.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to "Show & Tell."
You've ever bought a used cap.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You can entertain yourself for more than 1 hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is a garden hose.
Your pocket knife has ever been refered to as "Exhibit A."
Your wife ever burned out an electric razor.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your Xmas cards include a Xerox copy of your butt.
Your bumper stick says "My other car is a combine."
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
You list your parole officer as a reference.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You've ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You own a homemade fur coat.
You burn your front yard instead of mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
When describing your kids, you use the phrase "dumb as a brick."
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."
You've ever given rat traps as a gift.
You always answer the front door with a baseball bat in your hand.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You've never paid for a haircut.
There is a wasp nest in your living room.
The taillight covers on your car are made of tape.
Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
You've ever worn shorts to a funeral home.
You have every episode of "Hee-Haw" on tape.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to "Show & Tell."
You've ever bought a used cap.
Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You can entertain yourself for more than 1 hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your baby's favorite teething ring is a garden hose.
Your pocket knife has ever been refered to as "Exhibit A."
Your wife ever burned out an electric razor.
You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
Your Xmas cards include a Xerox copy of your butt.
Your bumper stick says "My other car is a combine."
Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
People are scared to touch your bathrobe.
You list your parole officer as a reference.
Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
Related:
- YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna
on the radio in your work area for better reception
All your sentences begin with "what if"
At Christmas,
it goes without saying that you will be the one to... - YOU KNOW YOUR A REDNECK IF....
You still have an 8-track tape player in your car or house.
Your idea of safe sex doesn't include anyone else.... - Things to do When Bored
-Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs
-Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings
-Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button
-Water your dog.
see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself... - You know you're a redneck if ...
... The primary color of your car is bondo.
In your wedding picture you have a toothpick in your... - You Might Be A Redneck If...
** The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your
spouse.
** You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the... - How To Tell If You Might Be A "High-Tech" Redneck
If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"
If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"
If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a
laptop"
If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and
Wesson"
If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a
cellular phone.
If your baseball cap read "DEC" instead of "CAT" ... - REDNECK JEDI
Rednecks are not limited to Earth. They exist all across the galaxy in many
different forms.
One example is Luke Skywalker, who must have been a... - You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
%end of list------------- Female to guy: Hi, you... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<<<
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while...
