Jay: Welcome to "Coming Attractions". I'm your host, Jay Sherman,
thank you. Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in
"Death Wish 9".
Bronson: [in a hospital bed] I wish I was dead. Oy!
Jay: But first, we have a special guest: Rainier Wolfcastle, star of
the reprehensible McBain movies.
Rainier: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's
called "McBain: Let's Get Silly".
[cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in
front of a brick wall]
McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?
[pause] That's the joke.
Man: [from audience] You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]
McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes
to sleep with little girls.
Man: [from audience] Hey, that really sucked!
[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]
Rainier: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a
half. It cost $80 million.
Jay: [contemptuous] How do you sleep at night?
Rainier: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay: Just asking. Yeesh!
-- "A Star is Burns"
thank you. Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in
"Death Wish 9".
Bronson: [in a hospital bed] I wish I was dead. Oy!
Jay: But first, we have a special guest: Rainier Wolfcastle, star of
the reprehensible McBain movies.
Rainier: Jay, my new film is a mixture of action und comedy. It's
called "McBain: Let's Get Silly".
[cut to clip from movie showing McBain with a microphone in
front of a brick wall]
McBain: Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up?
[pause] That's the joke.
Man: [from audience] You suck, McBain!
[McBain pulls a machine gun and fires into the audience]
McBain: Now, my Woody Allen impression: I'm a neurotic nerd who likes
to sleep with little girls.
Man: [from audience] Hey, that really sucked!
[McBain pulls the pin on a grenade and tosses it at him]
Rainier: The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a
half. It cost $80 million.
Jay: [contemptuous] How do you sleep at night?
Rainier: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.
Jay: Just asking. Yeesh!
-- "A Star is Burns"
Related:
- Marge: [writing] "Dear Mr. Sherman, on behalf of the people of
Springfield I would like to invite you to judge our film
festival.
[cut to Jay reading the letter in New York] ... - Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's "Up Late with McBain".
I'm your announcer, Corporal Obergruppenfuehrer... - Bart: Hey, McBain, I'm a big fan, but your last movie really sucked.
McBain: I know. There were script problems from day... - Parker: Okay, then get this: I think they want you to play McBain's
sidekick in.
brace yourself, the new McBain movie! Troy: McBain's... - Marge: All right: it's time to vote for the grand prize.
Jay: I vote for Barney Gumbel's sensitive yet unfortunately... - Announcer: Welcome back to "Before They Were Famous." We all know
Rainier Wolfcastle as the star of the blockbuster "McBain"
movies,
but here's his first appearance in a commercial in... - Buffer: Celebrities at ringside tonight:
Star of the McBain action films,
and feature player in the Hollywood prostitution... - Coach: Up and atom!
Rainier: Up and at them!
Coach:
Up and atom! Rainier: Up and at them! Coach: [annoyed]... - Homer: [watches a scene from McBain on the video store monitors]
Clerk:
You want to rent it, sir? Homer: Why? I just saw the...
