TOO BAD YOU CAN'T BUY a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin
real fast and freak everybody out.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
real fast and freak everybody out.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
Related:
- I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula
and Superman away.
Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988... - I'D LIKE TO BE BURIED INDIAN-STYLE, where they put you up on a high rack,
above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites... - A GOOD WAY TO THREATEN somebody is to light a stick of dynamite.
Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse to... - IN MY OPINION anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out
becoming pure energy.
Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988... - HERE'S A GOOD JOKE to do during an earthquake. Straddle a big crack in
the earth and if it opens wider,
go, "Whoa! Whoa!" and flap your arms around as if you're... - I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always
end up saying,
"Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would... - I THINK MAN INVENTED THE CAR by instinct.
-- Jack Handley,
The New Mexican, 1988... - I THINK THEY SHOULD CONTINUE the policy of not giving a Nobel Prize for
paneling.
Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988... - WHEN YOU'RE RIDING IN A TIME MACHINE way far into the future,
don't stick your elbow out the window or it'll turn...
