I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty, but because we
use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently leads to
violence. What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic,
is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when we've had time to think
of witty and learned insults or look them up in the library, we could call
each other up:
You: Hello? Bob?
Bob: Yes?
You: This is Ed. Remember? The person whose parking space you
took last Thursday? Outside of Sears?
Bob: Oh yes! Sure! How are you, Ed?
You: Fine, thanks. Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is:
"Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..." No, wait.
I mean: "you may be ugly, but I am Winston Churchill
and ..." No, wait. (Sound of reference book thudding onto
the floor.) S-word. Excuse me. Look, Bob, I'm going to
have to get back to you.
Bob: Fine.
-- Dave Barry
use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently leads to
violence. What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic,
is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when we've had time to think
of witty and learned insults or look them up in the library, we could call
each other up:
You: Hello? Bob?
Bob: Yes?
You: This is Ed. Remember? The person whose parking space you
took last Thursday? Outside of Sears?
Bob: Oh yes! Sure! How are you, Ed?
You: Fine, thanks. Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is:
"Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..." No, wait.
I mean: "you may be ugly, but I am Winston Churchill
and ..." No, wait. (Sound of reference book thudding onto
the floor.) S-word. Excuse me. Look, Bob, I'm going to
have to get back to you.
Bob: Fine.
-- Dave Barry
Related:
- I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty,
but because we use it as a substitute for thoughtful... - I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty,
but because we use it as a substitute for thoughtful... - Bob: Ahh, Westminster Abbey. Edward the Confessor himself could
not have done better.
Now to set the clocks to Greenwich Mean... - Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness,
feel the slippery finish. Caresses it, experience it... - Bob: Well Bart, Lisa...here I am.
Lisa: I have a plan.
I think we can trap him. [they walk up; Lisa... - Bob: Only _I_ could have executed such a masterpiece of electoral
fraud.
And I have the records to prove it! Here, just look... - saga n.
[WPI] A cuspy but bogus raving story about N
random broken people.
Here is a classic example of the saga form, as told... - Bart: Attention, fellow children! Krusty didn't rob that store!
Sideshow Bob framed him, and I got proof! [whams... - Bart: [gasps] Sideshow Bob!
[everyone gasps and screams]
Bob:
[on TV] Hello, Springfield. Sorry to divert your attention...
