So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate your current VCR to a grate resident,

So as your consumer electronics adviser, I am advising you to donate
your current VCR to a grate resident, who will laugh sardonically and
hurl it into a dumpster. Then I want you to go out and purchase a vast
array of 8-millimeter video equipment.

... OK! Got everything? Well, *too bad, sucker*, because while you
were gone the electronics industry came up with an even newer format
that makes your 8-millimeter VCR look as technologically advanced as
toenail dirt. This format is called 3.5 hectare and it will not be
made available until it is outmoded, sometime early next week, by a
format called Elroy, so *order yours now*.
-- Dave Barry, No Surrender in the Electronics
Revolution