She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly,

She was ugly! She was known as a two-bagger. That's a girl who's so ugly,
when you go out with her you put a bag over your head in case the bag over
her head breaks. She was so ugly, you look in the dictionary under "ugly"
and you see her picture. Me, I was a very ugly baby. When the doctor cut
the cord, he hung himself. My old man, he didn't like my looks. He carried
around a picture of the kid that came with the wallet. He made me sleep in
the kitchen naked to get rid of the roaches.
-- Rodney Dangerfield