My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Related:

• My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month,
  but I know two guys she's cut out entirely. -- Rodney...
• Last week I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age.
  She locked me in the cellar ... My wife's an earth...
• I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO baby food.
  Rodney...
• I once asked my father if things were bad for him during the Depression.
  He said the first six months were bad, then he got...
• I don't get no respect. No respect at all. Every time I get into an elevator the operator says the same thing:
  "Basement?" No respect. When I was a kid we played...
• I went into a bar feeling a little depressed, the bartender said,
  "What'll you have, Bud"? I said," I don't know, surprise...
• I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.
  Rodney...
• I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said,
  "So will you." -- Rodney...
• I broke up with my psychiatrist. I told him I had suicidal tendencies.
  He told me from now on I had to pay in advance. ...