I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

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• I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.
  Steven...
• You know that feeling when you're leaning back on a stool and it starts to tip over?
  Well, that's how I feel all the time. -- Steven...
• I have a map of the United States. It's actual size.
  I spent last summer folding it. People ask me where...
• I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells.
  I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world....
• I have a map of the United States...actual size. It says,
  "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding...
• I went over to the neighbor's and asked to borrow a cup of salt.
  "What are you making?" "A salt lick." -- Steven...
• I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is.
  Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio...
• So, do you live around here often? --
  Steven...