If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off,

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• Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait.
  Not me, you. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack...
• If there was a big gardening convention, and you got up and gave a speech in favor of fast-motion gardening,
  I bet you would get booed right off the stage. They're...
• Do you know what happens when you slice a golf ball in half?
  Someone gets mad at you. I found this out the hard...
• In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
  Deep Thoughts, by Jack...
• I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
  Deep Thoughts by Jack...
• If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off.
  You see, we BUILD to that. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack...
• I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist,
  but he gets hit on the head and it damages the part...
• If I come back as a horsefly, I think my favorite thing would be to land on someone's lip.
  Even if they smash you, ick!, you're all over their...
• I think when you go on trial they should have a parrot there that says guilty or not guilty for you,
  as a sort of courtesy. -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack...